A queasy or shut down feeling in the body or anger are good signs that you feel someone is asking you to cross your boundaries, you are about to let your boundary be crossed or you have let your boundary be crossed. Please notice that we are not saying that someone is crossing your boundaries, but that you are letting your boundaries be crossed.
We often let our boundaries be crossed because we are afraid we will be left or will hurt our partner. Unfortunately, avoiding loss or hurt by allowing your boundaries be crossed over and over again actually kills intimacy, which is much more likely to lead to loss and hurt in the long run. However, unless someone has a gun to your head or is forcing you, they are not crossing your boundaries, you are letting your boundaries be crossed.
It is the personal responsibility of each of us to pay attention to our boundaries and to care for them by communicating them when necessary. No one else can know your boundaries but you. If you expect others to try to track them and protect them, you will experience a tremendous amount of disappointment and it will be difficult to have a healthy relationship. The good news is, it is possible to learn your boundaries and share them in ways that are both clear and loving. We invite you to begin to notice when you are allowing your boundaries to be crossed in order to maintain equilibrium or avoid conflict in the relationship, the sensations that go along with letting your boundaries be crossed and how it makes you feel about yourself, your partner and your relationship.